Posted by: Briar Rose | July 14, 2006

The New Abridged Medical Dictionary

These are some of the medical terms you should know.

(Source: Edmonton Journal, Friday Aug 4, 1995)

BARIUM: What doctors do when patients die.
COLIC: A sheep dog.
D & C: Where Bill Clinton lives.
DILATE: To live longer.
FESTER: Quicker.
HANGNAIL: Coat hook.
IMPOTENT: Distinguished, well known.
LABOR PAIN: Get hurt at work.
MEDICAL STAFF: A doctor’s cane.
MORBID: A higher offer.
NITRATES: Cheaper than day rates.
NODE: Was aware of.
OUTPATIENT: A patient who fainted.
PAP SMEAR: A fatherhood test.
PELVIS: Cousin to Elvis.
RECOVERY ROOM: A place to do upholstery.
RECTUM: Dang near killed ’em.
TERMINAL ILLNESS 1: Getting sick at the airport.
TERMINAL ILLNESS 2: Getting sick at your computer.
TUMOR: More than one.
URINE: Opposite of “You’re out”.
POST-OPERATIVE — A letter carrier
PROTEIN — In favor of young people
SECRETION — Hiding anything
SEROLOGY — Study of English Knighthood
TABLET — A small table
TUMOR — An extra pair
VARICOSE VEINS — Veins very close together

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